Unstoppable Nightmares

I had a nightmare....

a really terrible nightmare last night....

I woke up crying...


Usually I can prevent nightmares... but this nightmare just invaded and I couldnt stop it...

I guess its because it was something out of my control...

For example, if it were a ghost visiting me in my nightmare, I'd be able to twist reality in my dreams and turn it into a chicken-ghost or something like that...

but I don't think I have power to twist the reality of people who have control over me...


even in my dreams...


you left me there... alone.
Only Yushaa, Phoebe and Jeremy were left...

You took his hand and walked away...
I covered my eyes and ran... as far as I could...

I didnt want you to see my anguish or tears.

Jeremy told me, "If you love him, let him go. If he is meant to be yours, he will return... If he doesn't he wasn't yours in the first place."

Phoebe wrote to me to ask me to leave you alone

Yusha told me that she would rather not talk to me

Jeremy... just disappeared.


so i stood on my hill... the landscape that I created in my dreams...

the hill with the rainbow and a small house...


I could see you walking further and further away...

You seemed happy with him...


I wanted to run to you...

But when I turned, you were already there.

You said, "Its been too long... you know it has been too long. No matter how long you want it to be, it is not you who makes the decision."


then i woke up...

I actually broke one of the frames around my bed when I was dreaming..

I havnt had such a real and powerless terrible nightmare for years...


even my reality invades my dreams...




i think i need to recreate my house on the hill.... it has been my sanctuary.. too long....